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The Prosecution: Beth

Sometimes she films me while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it feels like a sudden shock.

My best friend of a decade, Marielle, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a bit, but it weighs on our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to record everything all the time. During meals out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when strangers see her performing for the camera – I experience vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She makes video blogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her styling career. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. Sometimes she films me while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her feed afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I might be bare-faced, an awkward face or photographed while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

She also anticipates that I will to film her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I'm in conversation to someone else, or we're simply hanging out in the street. I feel like our bond has turned into me being her free crew. She could easily hire someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my discomfort about the situation, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to several brand events, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I invest assisting her create material.

I’m grateful that Marielle has helped me with my design career, but I resist our friendship to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don't believe she’s fake or dishonest, but at times it seems that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and record me laughing with another. It’s so silly. I need her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also want to experience it without being filmed, altered, or shared for an audience. I am not a prop for her Instagram.

The Defence: The Content Creator's View

I hope my friend to see that the content we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about shooting content. It’s not just a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online allows me to show my personality and connect with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to make money from your interests. I look up to people on social platforms who pull off that aesthetic of casual, DIY content creation.

Content creation is my interpretation of engaging with life: observing the nuances, posting them with an audience that appreciates the art behind it. I never intend to make my friend uncomfortable. Bringing her to industry events was my method of offering access, providing her a chance to witness exclusive moments that could benefit her professional path too. That’s not leverage, it's simply being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see what the content we make together can achieve: an opening. I understand not everyone likes being on camera, but often spontaneity is what makes content authentic. Being recorded occasionally is part and parcel of being my friend. I'd remove anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my private filmmaker, but companions support one another in minor capacities. I thought filming a short video now and then would be fun for Beth. Creativity thrives in partnership, and having my friend around makes endeavors energetic and enjoyable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I would never intentionally humiliate her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I document our time together.

I value Beth’s friendship deeply and don’t want making videos to come between us. I am ready to compromise: like requesting permission before filming, and avoiding angles that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about control, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Clearly content creation is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I live my life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and Beth when they are out together?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a companion film you. I get that it’s Marielle’s job, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. Given the dark, looming future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance every time, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is willing material. She must to honor Beth’s privacy.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy making content and displaying her life publicly, but it isn't for everyone. It was kind she has helped her friend professionally, but she needs to hear what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you value each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the priority in your friendship. Create some real memories, where genuine feelings are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. Even celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be neither present nor genuine when they're together – she's on the job. Both seem confused as to what’s reasonable. The answer lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing defined boundaries around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle exploiting their friendship?